The Blame Game in Deconversion

Updated: Jul 14

(A Christian misconception)

When my husband first deconverted, I was in a mindset of fear…surrounded by people who gave the devil and demons way too much credit.


Of course, it’s easy to do. Blame someone (or something) for the consequence of what you cannot control.

There is also a temptation to project on God. Especially when it comes to spiritual shortcomings.


I think the Bible is proof of something a little too difficult for humans to swallow. At least, it was for me while unwillingly sitting in a deconstructing Christ-centered home:

It’s on us.

It was on my deconverting husband.

It was by his own choice that he fell out of communion with God and cast God off—not the other way around.



I’ll admit, the downfall of casting all the blame on someone I love more than the world, made reconversion seem absolutely impossible.

I assumed the worst.

I assumed his final destiny.

The present moments became so important. Because of the finality of what he proclaimed in those moments—that God isn’t real.

Casting the blame on him, gave him the power of his salvation, or lack thereof.

But Christ’s sacrifice does the exact opposite, doesn’t it?


I fall into the trap of thinking my present moments are the defining moments for the course ahead. I put an awful lot of power in myself to know, my husband to know, yet that really is an attempt to steal the power from God. Defining God’s will creates a false image of the God who saves. Of the God who loves. Of the God who IS love.

God did not cast away my husband. And evil spirits did not lure him to disbelief as far as I should know.

My husband walked away because of his own free will. He removed himself. For now.

These present moments are only important in as much as I reveal the beauty and love of God to him. That is all these present moments are for. To share Love.

Ultimately, by my husband’s own willingness to turn back, will he find God waiting for him eagerly. The credit is always returned to God, not in blame, but in His willingness to restore. Love does not cast away the beloved. And Love is really really patient.

I am thankful to not know eternity. To realize the present moment isn’t the defining moment.


God’s will is so much better than ours, the future is excitingly bright, justifiably unknown—for the Christian, the atheist, the future Christian, the future atheist.


Our present moments can be used to Love a little closer to eternity, but they will never define eternity like we might think.


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