We are seven years from unanswered prayer. I tear up thinking about my heart back then--the faithful expectation of a quick fix during my husband's deconversion. I remember thinking, by Easter, he will be back on track.
I know I have said that here, before. But, it's pretty significant in my faith walk.
As we embark on the journey of Lent this week, I cannot help but think back on the same season that became a dusty road to disappointment. No Resurrection like I thought. Just the beginning of discarded faith.
How can 40 days of expectation become 7 years of unanswered prayer?
As I continue through my Bible reading plan today, I find myself face to face with a Savior who cried to God in the Garden, and who received the answer, NO.
God said NO to His own Son.
Why do I struggle with unanswered prayers when Jesus modeled in obedience what to do with the shaking head of God?
Christ walked past His own desire and took No for an answer. His heart cry was flesh, but His will was God's.
Christ had a handful of hours to wrestle before He realized God would not answer the way He prayed--at least the first part of that prayer. Of course, God answers with an absolute My Will Shall Be Done. After the suffering, after the Resurrection, how weak that cry of a passed cup must seem to the Savior of the Universe. On this side of the story, I might be a little numb to the magnitude of Christ stepping forward regardless of His desire. All was according to the plan. He was the plan. He is the plan.
If I look back over the amazing gap between my heart in 2014 and my heart in 2021, I can see God's will being accomplished despite the unanswered prayer. For that, I am ever thankful, even with NO at most turns these days: in writing for publication, in expectations for my family, and in the seven year plea for a renewed heart in my husband.
If I focus too much on the answer, I'll miss the better solution--a glimpse at the tiny piece of God's masterpiece that looking backwards offers. I grow more and more certain each day that I will never imagine the entire masterpiece He has in store, nor do I really want to know...yet.
That's the difference between Christ and me. I am just a witness to the road behind me. And, Christ is the plan for the road ahead.
Do you have an unanswered prayer, weighting your faith walk, causing you to expect the sought after answer more than the journey of what He has for you? You are not alone. My heart wrestles with the expectation and the next step in trusting His will is better than mine. It's a day by day journey. I've walked 2500 plus days in the wrestle. And, I am here to tell you, keep walking and praying, friend, and remember, His will is the best answer for you.